Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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