I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
