Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
