i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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