All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
