You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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