just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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