so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I understand Curling. That high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He better not be in your backpack
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
