Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
