I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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