I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
