I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
