If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
