you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
