We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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