did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
