I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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