member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
