I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
