This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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