Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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