dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
