Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
