I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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