Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
