Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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