The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we should paint friendship bongs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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