I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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