How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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