I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
