If i come over, it means nothing
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
