i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
