I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
