I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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