Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize