I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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