I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
