Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize