What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
