I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
