I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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