You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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