I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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