Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
