that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
