New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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