I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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