i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
