I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
