I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
