I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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