why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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