i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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