My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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