I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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