So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
