You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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