Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
