sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
3pm strippers are depressing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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