I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
