Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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