A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
