I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm both gender and math confused
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
