I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
