I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
