so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
