Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
