Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
