I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
