If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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