dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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